The Birth of Baby Titus

There's nothing like having a baby for completely slowing down life and changing the pace of the year.  This Christmas season I feel disoriented as to where we are in the calendar year.  The fact that it's still "summer" outside doesn't help, either! Before time slips too far away from me, I wanted to tell Titus' birth story for those who are interested.

            When I found out I was pregnant with our third child, we were of course excited, but also filled with a little trepidation.  Many expats before us had given birth at our local hospital, which is an international hospital, but we’d also heard stories of procedures and practices here that were far different from the way things are done in the US. In many ways, both Jeff and I felt like we were having a first child again.  We no longer felt like we were walking the familiar path of, “we’ve done this before,” which we felt with Elias.

            I already missed my single-practice OB office in Wheaton as I walked into the hospital for my first appointment.  Here, all doctors practice at the hospital, so you go to the hospital for day-to-day appointments.  Healthcare is a communal experience far from private.  You register for an appointment the day of, and are given a number to show where you stand in the line-up of appointments for the day.  However, all appointments are first come, first serve.  So, you can never be sure what time your appointment will be, or how long you’ll wait.  Additionally, although the doctor’s hours may be listed to start at 9, often I would see the doctor walking in at 9:30 or closer to 10.  I learned after those first couple of appointments not to show up right when the doctor’s hours began, and to always bring something to work on so that the wait wouldn’t bother me. 

            At every OB appointment, the doctor performs an ultrasound.  It was fun to get to see the baby every time I went in, but sometimes I felt that the doctor over-reacted to the information in the ultrasound, and heightened my anxiety levels.  One thing I appreciated about my doctor in Wheaton was that he was extremely level-headed, and always made me feel that what was going on in my body was natural and not a reason for alarm.  Near the end of my pregnancy the doctor here kept remarking how big my baby was.   

Which leads to one of the biggest differences between giving birth here verses the US.  Here, it’s the norm that if you give birth in the hospital, you will have a C-section.  This is primarily due to the fact that doctors are paid more for doing C-sections. Each time the doctor mentioned how big my baby was, I could almost hear his thought process…if my baby was “too big,” of course I’d need a cesarean.  Each time an issue arose, I felt my anxiety levels rise, wondering if I’d be forced into an unnecessary c-section.  A few weeks before Titus’ delivery, Jeff came with me to the doctor’s office to clarify and emphasize our desires for the birth.  At that appointment, the doctor presented us with a release form to sign, which listed the various types of birth scenarios and with a check mark next to the option I had chosen.  Each type of birth had the various risks listed underneath.  As I looked at the list, the risks for vaginal births was far longer than the list of risks for a cesarean.

            Most likely because it is so common to have a cesarean, epidurals here are extremely rare.  This also filled me with a lot of anxiety.  Every single expat I’d talked to who’d given birth in the hospital and had planned and talked with the doctor beforehand about having an epidural hadn’t had one when it came time to give birth.  Either the anesthesiologist hadn’t been available, or the person had arrived at the hospital too late to receive one.  I had an epidural for both Lydia and Elias, and giving birth entirely naturally was not something I’d ever wanted to experience.  I knew I’d need to do some mental preparation and just plan that I’d be having a totally natural birth, rather than falsely hoping in an epidural that was never going to happen. 

            After doing some research into the options available here in Indonesia for aiding in a natural birth, I discovered an online 6 week study program that would prepare me to give birth naturally and as easily as possible using self-hypnosis. It sounds strange, but several of my friends had used the program and recommended it, so I thought I’d give it a try.  Doing a 6 week study course with two other children seemed like a big commitment, but I was glad I did it in the end.  It definitely helped me have the mental strength for the birth, and in some ways, the last month of my pregnancy I felt better and more prepared than I did earlier in the pregnancy.   

            Leading up to Titus’ birth I’d had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, but I knew that this didn’t necessarily indicate he was coming soon.  Both Lydia and Elias were born before their due dates, so I had a similar expectation for baby #3, although I knew that expectation could disappoint.  The night before he was born, Jeff and I were at a Bible study with some other couples in our community, and I was feeling so uncomfortable from the Braxton Hicks.  We asked everyone to pray that the baby would be born soon.  Early the next morning, around 3 AM, I woke up feeling what I recognized as contractions.  They were pretty far apart, about every 10 or 15 minutes, and they didn’t last long.  I was able to rest in bed without feeling uncomfortable, but I wasn’t able to go back to sleep because my adrenalin had already started going—this was probably going to be the day he was born! I listened to the tracks from my self-study course as I rested in bed and mentally prepared for the day.

            Around 5:30 when Jeff woke up, I told him that I was feeling contractions but that they were still pretty far apart and not very long.  We tried to decide what we should do—should he go to work still since he had class that morning? Was I still able to care for Elias while Lydia was at school?  I got up and went downstairs to help Lydia get ready for school.  As soon as I got up and started moving around, the contractions got more intense and closer together, but they still weren’t regular.  I told Jeff that he needed to take Elias with him to drop off Lydia at school, and that he shouldn’t go to work, yet, but wait until 8 to see how things progressed since his classes didn’t start until 8:30.  I went upstairs and laid down on my bed, listening to the self-hypnosis tracks on my phone.  By this point it was about 6:45 and it was getting harder to concentrate on the tracks.  I started texting people to let them know that this was probably the day, but I still didn’t let my doctor know.  I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible. 

            Soon I realized that things were going more quickly than I’d anticipated.  I texted Jeff at 7:20 saying I needed him.  Some of our friends came by to pick up Elias shortly after that. I texted my doctor to tell him that I was in labor and would probably be at the hospital in about an hour.  I also texted an Indonesian lady from church, Ibu Eva, who was going to help during my birthing time.  (Ibu literally means mother but is the term of respect you use for a woman older than you).  She was a nurse midwife who’d assisted with many births throughout Indonesia when she worked with WHO.  She currently teaches at the Faculty of Nursing at the University where Jeff teaches. 

After that, I really needed to focus and could only concentrate on what needed to be done between waves.  Jeff finally came and I told him we needed to go to the hospital.  I thought I’d better get in the shower before we left, and also to keep myself comfortable as he packed everything up in the car.  Once I got in the shower I felt better but everything was getting more intense, and I knew I was going to have a hard time getting out of the shower.  It took a while, but finally I made it down the stairs and into the car.  I told Jeff I couldn’t sit in the front seat, and told him to open the trunk of our van.  I vaguely saw a neighbor walking by who probably thought it was strange as I got into the trunk, but at that point I didn’t care.  There was no way I was going to sit in the passenger seat.   I just knew that we had to get to the place where I was giving birth, and get there quickly, because I already felt nauseous and the discomfort was getting more and more intense.  I couldn’t concentrate on my birth tracks at all at that point.  I closed my eyes as we drove to the hospital (only about 7 minutes away) and counted all the turns we made so I’d know when we were there. 

When we were there and Jeff opened the trunk of the car, I waited till I could move than got out and made my way into the hospital. At this point it was about 8:30. Arriving at the hospital for a delivery you go to the main entrance where everyone enters and there’s always a general hub-bub of people coming and going.  It’s not private and there’s no one available to wheel you to the labor and delivery room in a wheelchair, so I did the best I could to make it inside and up the elevator between waves.  When I finally arrived on the third floor labor and delivery, I must’ve slightly scared the security guard because he ran and got me a wheelchair, helped me into it, and raced me into the labor and delivery room as fast as he could.  The nurses came in and checked me, at that point they said I was 6 or 7 cm dilated.  The doctor came and wanted to do an ultrasound to check for the baby’s head position.  He couldn’t see the head, but I didn’t care at that point.

They made me breath into an oxygen mask during contractions to help the baby get enough oxygen, which made me a little worried since I didn’t know if that was normal procedure or not. Ibu Eva and Ibu Evelyn, my two nurse friends, came at that point and were very helpful in focusing me on breathing and rubbing my back which was where most of the contractions were happening.  From the time we got to the hospital until he was born it was very intense. 

The most frustrating part of the experience is the fact that while I was laboring, the hospital staff wanted Jeff to go downstairs and register.  There were lots of people in the room saying he needed to go down and pay and that we needed to provide certain documents and information.  We were both frustrated because it felt like this was something that could be done ahead of time, not during the labor.  We’d tried to find a way to register and give a down payment in advance, but basically, there was no way to do that in the system.  I told Jeff he could not go downstairs and register, and thankfully Ibu Eva and Ibu Evelyn helped with the documents. It was also especially helpful because Ibu Eva speaks both Bahasa Indonesia as well as English, and could help translate as needed since all the nurses spoke only Bahasa Indonesia.
Once I started pushing, my water broke. After pushing for a while and it seeming like the baby would never come, I asked Jeff to turn on my hypnobabies track, “Pushing baby out.” As the track played outloud in the room, I relaxed and with a few final last pushes he arrived! What a relief!  I was so happy and thankful to be done, and my stomach already felt so light and free, and so much more comfortable.  There is really nothing quite like the feeling of relief, happiness, and joy in the moments after giving birth.  Nine months of waiting finally over! The discomfort of carrying a growing child finished! The physical discomfort of the actual childbirth done!  

It was 9:54 AM, he was born a little less than an hour and a half after we arrived at the hospital.  He was healthy, and I asked to hold him right away. They put him up on my chest for a minute and as I held him he looked up at me and was completely calm.  They had Jeff cut the cord and then they wrapped Titus all up in lots of blankets.  They weighed and measured him.  He was 3.66 kg (about 7 pounds and 15 ounces) and 52 cm long (20.5 inches).  The doctor remarked on what a big baby he was, but I assured him that he was average size for the US.

All wrapped up like a baby burrito.

They asked what his name was, and Jeff and I finally made our decision, Titus Melvin Spanogle.  Titus means “Defender” and is one of the leaders of the early church that Paul wrote a letter to in the New Testament.  Melvin is the name of Jeff’s grandfather—his mom’s father—who was a godly man, and the name of one of Jeff’s best friends from seminary who was in our wedding.  

Feeling celebratory and starving, I had Jeff go downstairs and bring me a tea and breakfast sandwich from the coffeeshop, and we ate and waited for my room to open up.  At about noon they moved me from Labor and Delivery up to my own room. 

Overall, I can't complain about my birthing experience in Indonesia.  I thank God for a healthy baby without complications, a birth that was straight forward and fast, and a quick recovery.  God answered my prayers and provided me with the strength that I needed to give birth naturally, and he provided the people and methods I needed to help me do it.    

Siblings meeting for the first time.

 

Sweet family photo taken by a local photographer, Lissa.

Lydia loves baby Titus.  He gets more kisses than anyone else in the family.

Elias' love can be a little aggressive, but Titus has stayed safe.

Starting Year Three

I confess that I fell off the blogging bandwagon last spring in the craziness of teaching and keeping up with normal responsibilities.  And then eventually I got too far behind to even attempt to catch up, and that kept me from even trying.  I reached that point last year, but this is a new school year for us, so I'm just going to start right where we are: year three!

Year three sees us with a lot of present and future changes.  Each year has had it's own unique flavor, and this year promises to be no different.  It's hard not to make comparisons of better or worse, and to just embrace what the year holds.  Here's a brief update on the changes the year holds for each of us.  

Since ITC (International Teacher's College where Jeff works) is a new school--starting the 5th year this year--things are constantly in flux.  This year some of Jeff's closest faculty friends are no longer teaching at the school, and several new faculty have joined.  Although Jeff is only starting his third year teaching there, he now has the distinction of being the most senior faculty member.  As such, he is doing a lot of work helping the new administration and faculty/staff figure out what ITC is, how it works, and how classes etc. should be set up.  Although this has caused him some extra work, he is excited that he gets to teach more classes in his field this school year.  He'll be teaching two sections of an Old Testament class this coming semester, as well as some education courses.  The new freshman class has a little over 50 students, the biggest class yet, and it will be exciting to get to know them and see how they fit in and grow at ITC.

Where's the new baby going to sit?

I am in a lull of activities right now.  The English class I taught last year at ITC is no longer necessary this year (which was the original plan--that the class be a one year contingency to help struggling students), and so I'm not teaching this semester which has left my schedule wide open.  Additionally, my piano students from last year (only two families) have moved back to the states, so I'm not teaching piano.  I'm not taking on anything else this semester mostly because we have a new baby boy coming in October.  I'm trying to relish the quiet, rest, and calm before the craziness of adding a third child to the mix! We've gotten used to our quiet evenings and sleeping through the night, so it will be a big change to start all over again.  Next semester, I'm planning on teaching the Intercultural Communication Class at ITC again, and I look forward to that and the opportunity that it will give me to get to know the freshman students.  

Lydia's first day of K-2 (4 year old pre-school).

Lydia just started K2 at the christian international school, SPH, down the road from us.  K2 is basically a pre-kindergarten class for four year olds.  It's a great opportunity: they do normal pre-school activities, but they also have a mandarin class at least twice a week as part of the curriculum and a ballet class once a week.  Lydia is pretty excited about learning ballet! It is a fairly rigorous schedule.  School starts every day at 7 AM (yikes!!) so we are doing our best to get out the door and to school on time, but it's a challenge! Every morning feels rushed, and I miss having time for the kids to play at home in the mornings, and the opportunity to talk with family in the states.

Getting ready to ride to school with Daddy.

Jeff will sometimes get to bring Lydia to school on the back of his bike since he also starts work at 7 AM and the school is right on his way. Lydia always struggles with new things (as many of us do) so being in a new class and starting this new schedule has been an adjustment for her, but we're hopeful that she'll soon get into the routine and make new friends in her class.  School ends at 11, so it is a long morning, but at least we have the rest of the day for other activities when it's finished.  

The consequences of having an older sister--walking around in high heels & a baseball cap.

With Lydia in school every morning, Elias and I have been spending a lot of time together! It's fun to have the time with him before the baby is born, and I'm guessing that he will be making the biggest adjustment as he will no longer be the baby.  He has been slower to speak, so Jeff and I have been receiving coaching from a speech therapist which has been helpful especially for me as I play with him and do activities with him in the morning.  We've seen a lot of improvement in his speech over the past 6 weeks.  It's also been fun to learn some of the techniques and see that really, it's very similar to teaching someone a foreign language.  Elias is still extremely active and we see that his challenge is that he gets easily frustrated when things don't happen easily for him.  His current obsession is with cars, trucks, buses--basically anything with wheels that can move.  It's fun to see his personality come out and to get to know him more as he's become more communicative.

Our community has changed a lot, as many of the expat families in our neighborhood moved back to the states or Canada at the end of the school year last year.  We certainly feel their absence and really miss their presence and all that they added to the community.  I am still praying and waiting to see what new friendships and doors God will open up this year to fill some of the gaps that were left.  We are learning that this is the reality of the expat life here, one that could easily lead to burn out and discouragement.  The challenge is to press on where God has called us and with the tasks he has given us despite all the changes around us.  

Visitors

Christmas 2017

Christmas 2017

Last night, we sat down to our first meal as a nuclear family in five and a half weeks.  That's right, all the way here on the other side of the world, we have had more (and longer) family visits than we ever had in Chicago! Jeff's parents (known as Grammy and Papa), his brother Jason, and my sister Sarah all came to visit us at various points.  There is so much I could say about the stretch of time from December 1-January 9, so I think I can best summarize with some lists.

Best Things about having visitors (not in order of importance):
1. It forced us to get out of our bubble and explore Indonesia. We went into Jakarta to see several new museums and malls, and visited two cities: Bandung and Jogjakarta.
2. It stretched my driving ability and helped me gain confidence in driving around Jakarta. I drove 6 new routes into Jakarta (or farther) while we had visitors.  Both Jeff and I learned how to drive to the airport (so keep coming, visitors!) and we are starting to feel familiar with some of the highways.  It's no longer terrifying to contemplate getting lost while trying to get to a new place.
3. We learned how to use new forms of transportation.  I learned how to order a taxi at a specific time, use the train system, and even got a short introduction on using the TransJakarta bus line.

Waiting for the train at the Jakarta train station, Gambir.

4.  Company and Conversation.  Nothing beats having company and adult conversation while watching kids, playing with kids, and feeding kids.
5. Lots of playmates for kids willing to take them outside even when it's super hot and the middle of the day, color with them, paint with them, attend their tea parties, and read to them.

Baking Christmas cookies!

We love Aunt Sarah!

Feeding Koi fish (or: trying to keep Elias from eating Koi fish food).

6. They got to meet some of the people that we love; our students, neighbors, friends, and church family.
7. They got to share in some of the challenges of living in Indonesia, and experience some of our frustrations.  They better know how to pray!
8. They saw problems that we'd become blind to, and fixed them! We no longer have squeeky hinges anywhere in our house, our windshield wipers finally actually improve the water situation on the windshield, and the handles are glued back on Lydia's play kitchen.
9.  So much yummy comfort food from America! Jeff's parents brought a whole suitcase full of bagels! We were eating bagels for weeks!  Not to mention Trader Joe's Candy Cane joe-joes, coffee, and candy cane green tea.  The delights coming out of those suitcases from America were endless!
10.  It made us feel like we didn't live on the other side of the world.  Even though we get to go back to the states once a year for about a month, that time is so quickly eaten up between two families that live in two different states.  Having people willing to make the long trip here to see us helped ease the distance.

Things we learned during our travels:
1. Elias is becoming Indonesian.  He loves Indonesian snacks, does not particularly like cheese, eats on the go, and even is picking up the Asian squat.  He can still sleep anywhere, as long as he's tired enough.

Elias owned that train.

2. We will never escape cheek-pinching and pictures as long as we have two blue eyed blonde haired bule' (foreign) children.  We were practically followed by papparazzi whenever we went to a major tourist attraction.

Sometimes I didn't have the heart to say no to photo requests.

3. Hold everything loosely when traveling with children.  Yes, we know that, but yes, it's true.  Hold agendas, plans, and activities loosely. You will not accomplish or see as much as you hope, and that's ok.  Embrace the pace of life right now.

Two tired travelers.

4. Having a personal connection to the place where we travel makes it more meaningful.  When we traveled to Bandung, we attended the church of two of Jeff's students.  During our time in Jogjakarta, we got to spend extended time with good friends from our church and their extended family.  Both of these experiences were highlights for us.

A special dinner with family friends in Jogjakarta.

5. Always hire a driver from the very beginning.  Although I'm sure this concept sounds strange to most Americans, having a driver take us around in a vehicle that we have for the entire day saves so much time, energy and stress when traveling with young children.  It becomes a home on wheels so that the youngest can nap on the go, and so that we can leave all of our STUFF (because we have SO much of it) in the car as we visit different places.  You might say, why don't they just rent a car and drive themselves?  Well, remember, it's taken me a year and a half to build up the confidence to drive to the airport in Jakarta.  It will probably take a few more years before we have the confidence to drive in a completely new city!
6. Food, food, food.  I realized this time around how most of the time when traveling, I am thinking about food.  Where are we going to get our next meal, what is something that the kids will eat, do I need to bring food with us on this activity.  There must be a plan for food before we all get in some seriously bad moods.

And if you find a playground AND food in the same place, even better!

7. Lydia is a homebody.  Poor girl had some health issues on our trip to Jogjakarta, and I am learning that she thrives on a familiar routine.  It is hard for her to be stretched out of her comfort zone.  Our first night in Bandung she asked to go home and sleep in her bed.  She ended up sleeping between Jeff and I for a not very restful night of sleep.

3 ingredients for a successful travel experience: Lamby, blankie, and sunglasses.

8. When traveling in "real" Indonesia (vs. living in our expat bubble), it is best to prepare for some early mornings.  On the first morning of our trip to Bandung, we were woken up at 5:30 in the morning to the sound of "Baby Shark" blasting from the loudspeakers outside.  Blasting as though it were 8 at night and party time for an entire elementary school.  When we looked out the window of our 12th floor apartment, we saw that indeed, there was a whole field of elementary school students doing exercises as they prepared for day one of their English camp, which just so happened to last the same four days we were staying at the hotel.

Activity highlights during our visits (again, not listed in order):
1. Riding the train to Bandung.  The train was spacious, and Elias was able to walk up and down the aisles and befriend other passengers.  He ate the best of all of us.  Wherever he walked, someone offered him a snack, which he quickly snatched before it could be withdrawn.  Getting to see the rice fields and hills outside of Jakarta as we rode through the countryside also made the train ride well worth it.

How Lydia really felt about traveling that morning.

Getting comfy on the train.

Some of the views on our train ride.

2. Going to Taman Safari.  Taman Safari is a zoo/amusement park/safari/waterpark all rolled into one.  We went last year with my brother, and took Jeff's parents and brother this year.  It was still impressive to see so many wild animals at such close range.  And again, Lydia loved the amusement park rides, and Elias loved running around like a crazy person.

Family pic in front of the Taman Safari sign.  Safe arrival at about 7:30 AM to beat Jakarta city traffic, now to wait until the park opened at 8:30.

There's even a carousel!

Lydia loves rides.

These monkeys were not impressed.

Posing near the penguin exhibit.

3. The kite museum in Jakarta.  It is quiet, shady, and kid-oriented.  The museum campus is small but mostly shaded and outdoor, so there are no cars, and Elias loved (again) running around.  There was no shortage of his three favorite things: grates to run across, ramps to run up and down, and brooms to grab.  Lydia got to color and fly her own kite.

Elias' usual state of being: motion.

Another favorite past-time: finding and carrying around brooms.

4. Strawberry picking in Bandung.  Lydia came alive at the strawberry farm called, "Rumah Stroberi."  All of her favorite things were involved; holding a small basket for the strawberries, cutting the strawberries off the bush with her own pair of scissors, and of course, the strawberries themselves.  She even got strawberry juice at the end.  She was in heaven!

Heaven: cutting off (very small) strawberries with your very own scissors and putting them in your very own small basket.

5. Eating at an outdoor restaurant in the mountains of Bandung called, Kampung Daun.  The food was tasty, the scenery was beautiful, and the kids had fun throwing sticks and leaves into the waterfall that ran through the restaurant.

Anything is bearable as long as there is pink juice in hand.

6. Visiting Borobudur (an ancient buddhist temple) outside of Jogjakarta.  From the top we could look out and see the mountains, including Mount Merapi, a volcano that is still active.

A view from the top of Borobudur.

Elias wanted to climb the temple walls.

 
7. Visiting a museum in Jogjakarta called, Ulen Sentalu.  Not only was the museum itself beautiful, but each group of visitors goes with a guide through the museum.  The guides are extremely knowledgeable and we learned a lot about the Javanese kingdoms in that part of Indonesia.  It was fascinating!

Aunt Sarah and Elias at the museum.

8. Feeding monkeys in Jogjakarta.  I've never seen so many monkeys so close-up! Lydia and Elias couldn't have been more thrilled to have the monkeys take peanuts right out of their hands.  I think Elias thought they were cats that he could pet.

So thrilled to discover we could feed the monkeys!

Elias would pet the monkeys if he could.

The monkeys would grab the peanuts out of our hands.

8. Our Air BnB in Jogjakarta.  It was spacious, in the mountains, and had a beautiful yard complete with two koi ponds and two gazebos.

Standing by the Koi pond at our Air BnB on a rainy afternoon.

9. Sarah and I went on a tour through Jakarta with two Indonesian students from ITC.  They showed us a hole-in-the wall coffeeshop where the coffee is so well known that the president goes there on Fridays, brought us to Chinatown, showed us around the old Dutch settlement part of the city, and we ended our day walking around Monas, a monument in downtown Jakarta.

With our two guides, Sarah and Elva, at a famous coffee shop in Jakarta.

Chinatown, Jakarta.

So fun to have a girl's day out!

Besides the special activities that we did, there were lots of good everyday moments.  Lydia said her favorite thing about having Grammy, Papa, Uncle Jason, and Aunt Sarah was that she played with them a lot and she checked the mailbox for cards.

Lots of playing!

It wasn't all positive.  Here are the top lowlights:
1. Sarah got food poisoning one of the days we were in Jogjakarta.  I had a slight case as well, but nothing compared with her!
2. Lydia's eyes.  She complained about light sensitivity most of the time we were in Jogjakarta, and most of Sarah's visit with us.  We finally figured out what was going on, but I'll save that for another post (nothing serious).  Most days of our trip, starting around Christmas, she wore her sunglasses all day every day, was low energy, and napped more than usual.
3. Screaming children.  Sometimes in the car, sometimes at dinner, sometimes at bath or bedtime.  There was screaming everyday, usually in chorus, sometimes alternating children.  Of course, this happens with or without visitors!

Of course, you can read between the lines for some other challenges, but all-in-all, it was a Christmas break to remember! Thanks to our family who made the long trip to visit!